英语短文：
When it comes to disciplining her generally well-behaved kids, Heather Henderson has tried all the popular tricks. Shes tried taking toys away. Shes tried calm explanations about why a particular behavior -- like hitting your brother -- is wrong. And shes tried timeouts. The older one will scream and yell and bang on walls. He just loses it, says the 41-year-old stay-at-home mother in Syracuse, N.Y.
41岁的亨德森是纽约州锡拉丘兹的一位全职母亲。为了管教两个总体表现还算很好的小孩，亨德森把所有时尚的办法都试遍了。她尝试过没收玩具（她四岁和六岁的儿子对此从不在乎）。她尝试过平心静气地讲解为何某种行为──譬如打我们的兄弟──是错误的（但小孩们好像听不进来）。她还尝试过关禁闭。她说：“大儿子会尖叫、大喊、拍墙。他变得狂怒不已。”
What can be more effective are techniques that psychologists often use with the most difficult kids, including children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and oppositional defiant disorder. Approaches, with names like parent management training and parent-child interaction therapy, are backed up by hundreds of research studies and they work on typical kids, too. But while some of the approaches components find their way into popular advice books, the tactics remain little known among the general public.
心理学家常对最棘手的小孩（包含有注意缺点多动障碍和对立违抗性障碍的小孩）用的方法是比较有效的。这类办法（名为“家长管理练习”、“亲子互动疗法”等）背后有数百项研究的支持，它们也能在一般小孩身上奏效。尽管时尚婴幼儿教育书会提及这类办法的部分元素，但有关方案依旧鲜为一般大众所知。
The general strategy is this: Instead of just focusing on what happens when a child acts out, parents should first decide what behaviors they want to see in their kids . Then they praise those behaviors when they see them. You start praising them and it increases the frequency of good behavior, says Timothy Verduin, clinical assistant professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the Child Study Center at NYU Langone Medical Center in New York.
总体方案是如此的：家长不应该只关注小孩做了些什么，而应该先确定他们想在小孩身上看到什么行为（譬如打扫我们的房间，按时为上学做好筹备，与兄弟姐妹好好相处），然后在发现这类行为时予以表彰。纽约大学朗格尼医疗中心儿童研究中心儿童和青少年精神病学临床助理教授维杜恩说：“你开始表彰小孩之后，小孩出现好行为的频率会增加。”
This sounds simple, but in real life can be tough. Peoples brains have a negativity bias, says Alan E. Kazdin, a professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale University and director of the Yale Parenting Center. We pay more attention to when kids misbehave than when they act like angels. Dr. Kazdin recommends at least three or four instances of praise for good behavior for every timeout a kid gets. For young children, praise needs to be effusive and include a hug or some other physical affection, he says.
这听起来非常简单，但在现实日常做起来却非常难。耶鲁大学心理学和儿童精神病学教授、耶鲁婴幼儿教育研究中心主任、知名家长管理练习专家卡兹丁说，人脑有“负面偏见”。大家更关注小孩表现不好的时候，而不是他们像天使一样的时候。卡扎丁博士建议，一次禁闭惩罚应该对应至少三到四次的赞扬。他说，对幼童的赞扬应该饱含感情，要包含拥抱或其他身体抚摸。
According to parent management training, when a child does mess up, parents should use mild negative consequences .
根据家长管理练习的需要，当小孩捣乱时，家长应该让小孩承担温和的负面后果（短期关禁闭或者口头训斥，不要大喊大叫）。
Giving a child consequences runs counter to some popular advice that parents should only praise their kids. But reprimands and negative nonverbal responses like stern looks, timeouts and taking away privileges led to greater compliance by kids according to a review article published this month in the journal Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review.
让小孩承担后果与一些倡导家长应当只赞扬小孩的时尚建议相背而行。但上月刊登在《临床儿童和家庭心理学评论》上的一篇综述论文指出，训斥和否定性非言语反馈（以严厉的目光注视小孩、关禁闭和剥夺特权等）会让小孩更守规矩。这篇论文回顾了41项有关管教方案和儿童服从行为的研究。
Theres a lot of fear around punishment out there, says Daniela J. Owen, a clinical psychologist at the San Francisco Bay area Center for Cognitive Therapy in Oakland, Calif. and the lead author of the study. Children benefit from boundaries and limits. The study found that praise and positive nonverbal responses like hugs and rewards like ice cream or stickers, however, didnt lead to greater compliance in the short term. If your child is cleaning up and he puts a block in the box and you say great job, it doesnt mean the child is likely to put another block in the box, says Dr. Owen.
加州奥克兰旧金山湾区域认知疗法中心的临床心理学家、上述论文的第一作者欧文说：“很多人害怕惩罚小孩，但设定界限和约束对小孩有好处。”这项研究发现，表彰与拥抱、奖励冰淇淋或贴纸等一定性非语言反馈在短期内不会让小孩更守规矩。欧文博士说：“假如你的小孩在整理东西，把一块积木放进盒子里，你说做得好，这并不意味着小孩会把另一块积木放进盒子里。”
But in the long run, regular praise does make a child more likely to comply, possibly because the consistent praise strengthens the parent-child relationship overall, Dr. Owen says. The article reviewed 41 studies looking at discipline strategies and child compliance.
但欧文博士说，从长期来看，常常表彰小孩确实更容易让小孩守规矩，这可能是由于，不断表彰会让爸爸妈妈与小孩之间的整体关系愈加紧密。
Parents who look for discipline guidance often find conflicting advice from the avalanche of books and mommy blogs and the growing number of so-called parent coaches.
探寻儿童管教指导的家长从大量的书本、妈咪博客和愈加多所谓“家长教练”处获得的建议常常是相互矛盾的（Bowker Books In Print 数据库显示，2011年有3,520本婴幼儿教育书在美国出版和销售，多于2007年的2,774本）。
Many of the things that are recommended we know now to be wrong, says Dr. Kazdin, a leading expert on parent management training. It is the equivalent of telling people to smoke a lot for their health.
卡兹丁博士说：“书中建议的很多东西大家目前了解是不对的。这就像告诉大家抽不少烟有益健康一样。”
Parents often torpedo their discipline efforts by giving vague, conditional commands and not giving kids enough time to comply with them, says Dr. Verduin, who practices parent-child interaction therapy. When crossing the street, A bad command would be, be careful. A good command would be hold my hand, he says. He also instructs parents to count to five to themselves after giving a child a directive, like, for example, Put on your coat. Most parents wait a second or two, he says, before making another command, which can easily devolve into yelling and threats.
从事亲子互动疗法的维杜恩博士说，家长会给小孩下达模糊、有条件的指令，而且不给小孩足够的时间去遵守这类指令，这常常会破坏管教的成效。他说，在过马路的时候，“说小心是不好的指令，说拉住我的手则是好的指令”。他还教家长在给小孩下指令（譬如“把外套穿上”）之后默数到五。他说：“多数家长会等一两秒”，然后下达另一个指令，这就比较容易演变成为吼叫和威胁。
The techniques are applicable to all ages, but psychologists note that starting early is better. once kids hit about 10 or 11, discipline gets a lot harder. Parents dont have as much leverage with tweens and teens, says Dr. Verduin. Kids dont care as much what the parents think about them.
这类方法对所有年龄的小孩都适用，但心理学家指出，及早开始用成效会更好。小孩一旦到了10岁或11岁左右，管教困难程度就会大得多。维杜恩博士说：“家长对十多大岁数青少年的影响力没那样大，这类小孩不太在乎爸爸妈妈如何看他们。”
Some parents try and reason with young children, which Dr. Kazdin says is bound to fail to change a kids behavior. Reason doesnt change behavior, which is why sTOP-smoking messages dont usually work, Dr. Kazdin says. Overly harsh punishments also fail. One of the side effects of punishment is noncompliance and aggression, he says.
一些家长会尝试和幼童讲道理，但卡兹丁博士说，这种办法是不可能改变小孩行为的。他说，讲道理不会改变行为，这就是为何控烟宣传通常没什么用处是什么原因。太严厉的惩罚也会失败。他说：“惩罚的不良反应之一是致使不服从和攻击性行为。”
Spanking, in particular, has been linked to aggressive behavior in kids and anger problems and increased marital conflict later on in adulthood. Still, 26% of parents often or sometimes spank their 19-to-35-month-old children, according to a 2004 study in the journal Pediatrics, which analyzed survey data collected by the federal government from 2,068 parents of young children.
特别需要指出的是，打屁股与小孩的攻击性行为有关联，并且会致使成年后出现情绪愤怒问题，婚姻矛盾也会增加。但2004年刊发于《儿科学》的一篇研究论文指出，26%的家长“常常”或“有时”打19到35个月大小孩的屁股。该研究剖析了联邦政府采集的来自2,068名幼童家长的调查数据。
At the Yale Parenting Center, psychologists have found that getting kids to practice temper tantrums can lessen their frequency and intensity. Dr. Kazdin recommends that parents have their kids practice once or twice a day. Gradually, ask the child to delete certain unwanted behaviors from the tantrum, like kicking or screaming. Then effusively praise those diluted tantrums. Soon, for most children, the real tantrums start to change, he says. From one to three weeks, they are kind of over. As for whining, Dr. Kazin recommends whining right along with your child. It changes the stimulus. You will likely end up laughing, he says.
耶鲁婴幼儿教育研究中心的心理学家们发现，让小孩“训练”发脾气可以减少他们闹脾气的频率和强度。卡兹丁博士建议家长让小孩一天“训练”一到两次。逐步需要小孩在发脾气时去除某些你不愿看到的行为，譬如踢打或尖叫。然后热情地赞扬这类经过稀释的发脾气行为。他说，非常快，对大部分小孩来讲，“真的的闹脾气行为会开始发生变化。经过一到三周时间，这类闹脾气行为就会停止”。至于怎么样应付小孩哭闹撒娇，卡兹丁博士建议与小孩一块哭闹撒娇。他说：“这会改变刺激原因，最后你们或许会一块大笑起来。”
Researchers noted that not every technique is effective for every child. Some parents find other creative solutions that work for their kids.
研究职员指出，并非每种方法都适用于所有小孩。一些家长会找到合适自己小孩的其他创意解决方法。
Karen Pesapane has found yelling pillow fight, when her two kids are arguing can put a halt to the bickering. Their sour attitudes change almost immediately into silliness and I inevitably become their favorite target, said Ms. Pesapane, a 34-year-old from Silver Spring, Md., who works in fundraising for a nonprofit and has a daughter 10, and a son, 6.
家住马里兰州银泉市的佩萨帕内在一家非盈利机构从事筹款工作，34岁的她有一个10岁的女儿和一个六岁的儿子。她发现，当她的两个小孩争吵时，大喊“枕头战”能让斗嘴中止。佩萨帕内说：“原先怀有敌意的两个小孩几乎立马变傻了，我自然就成了他们最喜欢的靶子。”
Dayna Even has found spending one hour a day fully focused on her 6-year-old son, Maximilian, means hes less likely to act out, hes more likely to play independently and less likely to interrupt adults, says the 51-year-old writer and tutor in Kailua, Hawaii.
夏威夷凯卢阿 51岁的作家兼辅导老师埃文发现，假如天天花一小时将注意力完全放在六岁的儿子马克西米利安身上，“他会较少出现情绪失去控制，更易独立玩耍，而且更少打搅大人”。
Parents need to take a childs age into account. Benjamin Siegel, professor of pediatrics at the Boston University School of Medicine notes that it isnt until about age 3 that children can really start to understand and follow rules. Dr. Siegel is the chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics committee that is currently reworking the organizations guidelines on discipline, last updated in 1998.
家长需要要考虑到小孩的年龄。波士顿大学医学院的儿科教授西格尔指出，小孩要到三岁左右才能真的开始理解和遵守规则。西格尔博士是美国儿科掌握一个委员会的主席，该委员会现在在重新拟定美国儿科掌握的儿童管教指导原则（近期一次更新是在1998年）。
相关文章推荐
